Dinner for two
It didn’t take me long to find the perfect spot on the beach. I drop the heavy bags on the warm sun baked sand. I take my blanket out of my bag first and set it down carefully. I love this time of day, still warm from high noon, yet cooling off a bit now that it is 2:00 p.m. As I stand still taking in the warm breeze and smell of the ocean air, I hear laughter of children all around me and lazy chatter from the adults. This beach is “our” beach. We come every summer, spending long days splashing in the waves, reading on the blanket, taking walks to the rocks, eating breakfasts, lunches and even dinners here. It is a magical place for us, or, I should say, WAS a magical place for us.
Those around me, laughing, reading, listening to music have no idea of the enormous pain I am feeling. The sun is high in the sky over head. I turn my eyes up to take in some rays, hoping the warmth will sink into my body and dry up the tears that are falling from my eyes. Though people are everywhere, I still feel all alone.
I put the umbrella up over my blanket for some shade and sit down underneath. As I sit, a ball rolls toward me, I look up, smiling at the small child that runs over to get it, with his mother not too far behind. I reach out and hand the ball to the child, he smiles and his mother says, “Thank you” in a kind and breathy voice. I am thankful for the distraction at this point, anything to take my mind off of him would be nice.
I reach in my cooler for a drink of much needed water, I didn’t realize how parched my throat is. After taking a few big gulps I lay my head down onto the blanket. As I lay there, I guess I didn’t realize how tired I am. I fall fast asleep. When I wake up the beach is pretty empty and the sun is starting to lower in the sky. It must be around 5:00 p.m. I slept for a much needed 3 hours. Though, I didn’t want to wake up, I was having the most wonderful dream of him.
It was as if he were here with me. We sat close laughing and digging and singing along to the music. He got up and ran to the ocean calling me to follow him. I got up too, running behind him watching him as he got close to the oceans edge and then he turned to me to make sure I wasn’t too far behind and jumped right into the waves. I called to him to be careful, he just laughed and splashed in the waves. He was my golden haired love, the only person in this world that ever truly mattered. I got up close to him and dived into the waves and splashed him as I descended underwater. I grabbed him on his tan legs under the water and he screamed in delight.
I wish I had never woke up. I wish I could dream forever. I sit up, stretching my arms overhead. This is where he would want me to be. Still, I can’t believe it has already been a year. A year that I last saw him, a year that I last touched his soft face and felt his warm but weak embrace. He would want me to be at our favorite place today. His last days were spent inside, but was able to look out the windows at the warm summer afternoons. His illness made him too weak to make it outdoors. Even though he could not be on the beach, I had brought the beach to him in a bottle with some sand, and ocean water.
My nickname for him was Finn, he was like a little dolphin. Happy swimming in the waves. Sometimes it was hard getting him out of the water. For a long time, I thought he was part fish. But I knew fish didn’t run in my family, or his father’s family. He was 100% my part fish part perfect child.
I stand up, walk down to the ocean feeling the cold salt water run over my toes and feet and it feels like heaven. The water is the perfect temperature for Finn to swim and play in. I stand looking out on the ocean, the endless carpet of water, with no ending to it in sight. Finn used to say, “Mommy? Someday can we sail across the ocean together and see where it takes us?” And I remember always saying, “Yes, Finny. We can do that one day when you are older and you can sail the boat for us.” Never ever dreaming that day would never come.
Tearfully, I turn around and walk back up to my perfect spot on the beach. Looking up through my tears I notice something in the distance sitting near my spot. A dog. I wipe away my tears thinking, what is a dog doing on the beach? I look around wondering where the owner may be. It doesn’t look like the few people still on the beach owns this dog. I walk up slowly not knowing if the dog is vicious. As I get closer the dog sits up on his front paws wagging his tail behind him. I realize he must be friendly but I am still cautious. I put my hand out for him to smell it, he stands up and walks over to me, tail wagging, panting, kind of looks like he’s smiling. He licks my hand and playfully jumps up on me. I pat him and ask him where his owners are, of course, he doesn’t answer me back.
I sit down on the blanket, take out a plastic bag and pour some water into it to give the dog a drink. He laps it up like he has never tasted water so good. He must be hungry, so I open up my cooler and give him half of my sandwich, as I take a bite of the other half. He lies down next to me. I’m thankful for his company. In the distance I see a man and hear him calling out, “Finn, Finn. Come here Finn.” The dogs ears perk up, I see the familiar look in his eyes as he sees his owner and hears him call to him. Finn runs to his owner. The owner walks over to me and apologizes, telling me Finn sometimes gets off of his runner in the backyard and takes off to the beach, since this is his favorite place on earth. I smile up at him and let him know Finn was quite the gentleman pup and that I was grateful for the companionship even just for dinner.
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